218 to go.

Tomorrow Robb and I celebrate two months of engagement. Two down, seven to go.
This in-between state is actually much more difficult than I ever could have anticipated. We are truly committed to one another and know that the rest of our lives will be spent together, and yet we are required to continue our separate lives as usual. To say good night and part ways every evening. To keep different last names. To not notice each other's bodies too much. To pretend that we don't only ever want to be together.
My priorities have take a violent turn since meeting Robb, and since being engaged to him they have virtually ceased to exist beyond the message that throbs through my mind always: Be With Robb. Forget school, forget other friends, forget being a good daughter and sister. Just contrive to always be in Robb's presence. Sometimes I catch myself and wonder at this strange monolithic mentality, but mostly it is second nature now and as innate as the hunger pains that I feel when not allowed to eat every two hours.

I cannot wait to see this band live.

Autumn

The leaves are falling, falling as from far off,
as though far gardens withered in the skies;
they are falling with denying gestures.

And in the nights the heavy earth is falling
from all the stars down into loneliness.

We are all falling. This hand falls.
And look at others; it is in them all.

And yet there is One who holds this falling
endlessly gently in his hands.

-Rainer Maria Rilke